Saturday, August 14, 2004

Beach Rules

Well the first Olympic sport I got to watch today was womens beach volleyball, since I slept till noon. What a great way to wake up in the morning. Anyway, USA USA USA beat Norway 2 straight in a best outta 3 game, with Norway serving out of bounds to give our girls their second win. The US girls were not serving great, but they were doing everything else splendidly. Anyway, speaking of the beach I thought I'd share a few things I learned when I was at the beach last week. I learned that not nearly enough cute 21 - 30 year old single girls hang out in Galveston. I learned that some men, despite all that has been written, still wear banana hammocks, no matter what their physique. I learned that mexican gangstas do in fact have a sense of humor, tho a delicate one. I learned that even in Galveston, people still try to talk to me in the bathroom. ( I hate that, why why why? Thats one of my pet peeves and will eventually earn its own post. ) I learned that great food and horrible service can go together. I learned that I could make it to Galveston in less than 4 hours if I had to. But of course, the things I always learn the best are how to get in trouble. So here is my list of
The Top Ten Ways To Get Kicked Off The Beach

10. Build a sand mermaid
then have sex with it

9. Buy one of those fighting kites
and kill all the other kites

8. Start a bonfire
with the rental chairs

7. Feed the seagulls

6. Pee in the water
while only standing ankle deep

5. Take your dog to the beach
train him to crap on little kids sandcastles

4. Rent a cop uniform
hand out tickets to all the fat people and guys in banana hammocks

3. Offer to rub lotion on a cute girls back
use pudding instead (or cooking oil, whichever is funnier)

2. Steal one of those ice cream carts
sell nothing but "homestyle frozen lemonade"

1. Pretend to drown just to meet the cute lifeguard
demand mouth to mouth


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