Sunday, September 12, 2004


Well fans, football season officially starts today, so you know what that means... millions of men will again have meaning in their lives. If you're a good all American male, your ass will be plunked either on your couch, a friends couch, a bar stool or possibly a stadium seat, watching your home team do battle to bring glory to your town and braggin rights to all their fans. If you're not watching football today, it may mean you have to work, or maybe you're in a coma, or maybe you are on a camping trip or roadtrip. If you're not doing any of those things and you're not watching football, that probably means you're gay. I realize this may be difficult for some of you, but you had to find out sometime, and better now then later in life, say on your wedding night, or son's bachelor party. If you don't like football but you're not sure if you're gay, think back to the olympics a few weeks ago. Did you watch any of the wrestling sports and enjoy them? If the answer is yes, then you are definately gay. Which brings up a good point, when is women's wrestling going to be part of the olympics? Hopefully they will be made to wear the beach volleyball outfits when that happens. I figure by then the beach volleyball girls will be in string bikinis. But I digress. The topic today is that its opening day of the football season and a time to rejoice. Guys, call up your buddies, grab some brewskies, get that woman to work in the kitchen to make you some snacks before you send her off shopping for the rest of the day, then turn on that magical wonder box that brings you so many other joys in life and start coaching. Cuz they aint gonna win without you cheering. And they sure as hell dont know when they've messed up if you dont tell 'em.
Because I live in Big D, my team is America's team, the Cowboys. Game starts at 3:15 central. So men of America Rejoice, your time of year has come. And just think, soon basketball and hockey will be starting too.
It's good to be a straight American beer drinking God fearing man!

UPDATE: Ok, you have an excuse not to watch football today, the 2 american women's beach volleyball teams are competing on NBC.


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