Monday, September 20, 2004

Monday already

Well I had a really good weekend, I can't believe its over already. I hope you got to get out to one of the many events that were going on this weekend in the metroplex. I suppose if I was much of a reporter I would have made it to more, or taken more pictures at the one event I did attend, but I'm not. But, that's what's so great about the blogosphere, if one blog doesnt have what you're looking for, someone else surely will.
Have a good week everybody. Mine is surely to be an adventure, and hectic, and stressful, and overwhelming, and exciting, and just the beginning of an enormous learning experience, and the very beginning of a big step up for me, hopefully, at the company. I have the chance to be the man, and I've been given a chance to take a step towards being the man, and its all happening very quickly and I just hope I can keep up. I'm nervous and excited at the same time. I probably wont sleep very well tonight but I really need to. That's probably not true, I rarely have trouble sleeping unless I drink too much caffeine late. I just need to remember the advice that I always give other people, which is to not stress and just take it as it comes. I've got these rough edges that I developed at a young age and am now over the past few years just starting to smooth out. Its very weird this whole growing up and growing old and maturing thing. Its all new to me. I was not prepared for this. I never planned on living this long, but now that I have missed my chance to live fast and die young, and discovered that its a great big world that I want to explore cuz I might not get another chance, and I care about that, I now need to deal with the mistakes I made in my youth and work thru them and deal with what I have done to my body and mind and try to change. So, I'm off to bed before 2 am, and tomorrow I'm gonna let my alarm get me up early instead of sleeping too late, and I might even brush my hair. But i'm not gonna tuck in my shirt.
I'm not sure if corporate Matt is who I am, anyone that knows me would certainly say I dont look the part. And I dont. but i really enjoy what i do and even tho i cant wear shorts or tshirts to work, i believe in my company and like where i work. and like i've said, i really have the chance to be the man. if i can keep learning and master all the things i need to master, i would be in a very powerful position, the least aspect being the ability to demand a big raise, the highest aspect being the ability to become a manager and have my own little army and command a little more respect and a lot more money. but there's always a little part of me that wonders why i should even try. do i want that much more responsibility and pressure? alls i really want is to be free and happy right? isnt that what all of us want? i'm hoping that by busting ass now and becoming the man, i can make some real money and pay off my debt and within a few years i can decide if i want to keep doing what I'm doing, or if i want to do something else. i have set my life alarm for 30. by then I will have all my debt paid off and I will have been doing the same type of job, computer modeling, for exactly 10 years. i like nice solid round numbers, and even though 10 isnt a power of 2 (which are special), its a nice round number. and to me, 30 is a pretty major milestone. kinda like 18 and 60. at 18 you are officially an adult, and lots of things change and are happening when you're 18. at 60, you are officially old. if you invested well you are either retiring or about to retire, and you are entering the golden years. you collect senior discounts and play golf several times a week, maybe everyday. at 30, you are no longer a young adult, you are just an adult. not quite middle age, and definately not old, but no longer young either. you've got 12 years to explore life and screw it up and still be considered a young adult. but when you turn 30, thats kinda like leaving the entryway of adulthood and entering the actual house of life. you're not as young or as quick as you used to be. i'm speaking in broad terms you must understand, if you are in great physical shape and/or a professional athlete, probably none of these apply to you. but i am neither. you cant really screw things up and recover as quickly as you used to be able to. you need to start thinking about things like saving for your future and exercising more and what you eat and when. this winter my dad turns 60 and i turn 29. we're gonna celebrate in vegas. maybe i'll hit it rich and not have to worry about any of this stuff. but its not likely. its more likely i will win a little and lose a lot, eat a little and drink a lot, but hopefully also i will share a little and learn a lot. life's just too big to handle on your own, and tho i've been unlucky in love pretty much all my life, i'm blessed with a great family and the fact that my two biggest heros are also my parents. so tomorrow as i start a new chapter at work, i'll use the strength that they have given me to overcome all the frustrations and self doubt that i give myself. i've got rough edges but i'm smoothin em out, i just hope i'm supposed to be.

1 Comments:

Blogger richard said...

dear nephew,
good blog. you hit many relatable points.i'm middle aged and have lived a life.now that my illness has reached it's peak,i don't feel i belong to this world any more.
i've been in a management position at the childrens home.believe me it is tough going,things changed so rapidly.but, it had it's rewards too,for 10 years!now i'm a lump...not realy i contribute to a family that loves me.but ,i can't take it out side of myself yet. i'm making progress,but it will never be the same as it was 10-20years ago.something i must live with.
i'm very proud of you and all your accomplishments and admire yoour sence of the now and how to intergrate it with future goals.keep up the good work.

10:59 AM  

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